riding crap

hi, I’m Viv, I’m not on Match, I don’t even have a black dress, but I’m in a relationship and relationships are stinking hard. I’ve been married 3 times and even more important to mention, I’m divorced 3 times, 3 up 3 down. No kids, unless you count my exes. Cindy and I have been talking men for about 18 years now, is that right? Cindy? is it 18? I was divorced twice when we started hanging out. I remember Cindy’s first husband saying something to her like “ohhhh you are hanging out with your divorced friend.” Good heavens, she only had one?  It’s good to have her on here keeping me and everyone else posted on dating in our 40′s. Oops, crap, I forgot, I turned 50 last week.

Cindy and I live about 800 miles apart, but I couldn’t have a closer friend. We are riding out all this crap together. Come along.

The Girls, Christian and The Guides


August 11, 2014

I have primary custody of my two kids, 13 and 9, so finding time to put on the LBD or visit my fuck buddy is challenging at best. Let me back up and tell you that being out of a heinous relationship and single is far better than being married to an asshole, but I have decided I want a boyfriend, a real boyfriend. When I have one, I smile more, I’m happier, I’m lighter, weight and actions. Being a divorcee at 46, almost 47, good lord, sucks. One of my LBD dates last week said, ”No one uses that word, divorcee. You are a single sexy lady.” That sounded so much better, so I’m going to incorporate that in my language. Not that I ever use divorcee. I thinkthe only time was to him, once. But never the less, I used it at a great time because he called me a single sexy lady. Back to Carrie Bradshaw. She was what? In her 30s. Maybe the slutty one was in her forties, but I think the others were in their 30s and single, not divorcees, so not that I’m trying to mimic “the girls” but this is to all the 40 somethings that are single. Divorcees, never married, separated, widows, or single sexy ladies because it doesn’t matter. We’re all in this together and none of us understand men. None of us. Okay, maybe some do, like the woman that wrote How To Date Like a Man. Yeah, I read it and after a year, I’m still not doing it right. I’m doing it different each time, but still not right.

I have some guy named Christian Carter advertising on FB. He must know I’m single, and he sends me emails weekly to get me to buy his guide to land the right man. He tempts me everyday with bits, but he wants me to pay like 500 dollars for his advice. It would probably be worth it, but back to the first sentence. I’m single….and a teacher. I don’t have 500 bucks to spend on how to find a man and play all the games right, so instead I keep screwing it up and buying books for$ 15.99 and reading those. I just ordered The Dummies Guide to Online Dating or something like that. I didn’t really mean to. I was on Amazon ordering a damn pillow pet for my son, and it was in my cart from months ago when I almost did. Well I couldn’t figure out how to delete it. A girlfriend called me a few weeks ago screaming at me. “Whatever you do, don’t call or text him!” It was in “The Guide” she read. Hope there is more in it than that because I got that advice for free.

Little Black Dress

While I’m no Carrie Bradshaw, I have a little black dress (LBD) and some cute shoes or flip flops, depending on what the situation calls for, and I can rock it. I know this because I wore it on my last five match dates, and they have all called or texted or e mailed to ask for a second date. Bonus points for an actual phone call. So let’s go to another positive. I missed out on a date opportunity, okay, that’s not the positive, although with the way things have been going lately, it probably is. But I missed out on a date opportunity or immediate opportunity, I should say, today because I did not bother to check my voice mail. I eventually checked it. I noticed several hours later on my new IPhone I had a voice mail message.  I didn’t recognize the number , and just assumed it was one of the smitten LBD guys that I had already told I just wanted to be friends. Well, I had just given my number to a Match guy a couple hours earlier and low and behold, it was him. He called. He didn’t text. He called. This was such a bizarre concept and between that and the Irish accent, I just about ran off the road. I mean, it floored me. I don’t think anyone in the last year I have given my number to has actually dialed the number and asked with their vocal cords and not their fingers for a first date. Like you know, back in the 80s when people called. I phoned him right back and then probably sounded like a freak because I kept telling him how impressed I was that he called. I truly think that is a first. Well, he made a date with the freak for next Tuesday night. And yes, I will wear the LBD(that’s texting lingo I use with my fuck buddy, yeah, I have one of those) and if I’m not interested in the Irishman, I’m sure he’ll call again, the Irishman, not the fuck buddy. We just text. Maybe he needs a better name than fuck buddy. I’ll sleep on it….and take suggestions.